It was around about a month ago that I posted on Instagram, about the struggles I have had over blogging and keeping up-to-date on social media. As my personal life has become much busier, the amount of time and effort I have been able or wanted to put into it all has decreased quite a bit. It is both a relief and a sad statement to say out loud but never the less it still leaves me with one big question; what is the point in carrying on?!
This isn’t the first time this question has come to mind, though it has never caused too much concern for me until now. There have been doubts ever since I started to blog as to whether I would have what it takes to make this a positive success in what ever way possible or if I was doing the right thing. But due to the passion I have for raising awareness and helping others to know they are not alone, I have continued to share content on a daily basis for over three years.
When I was extremely ill, it was a matter of existing in my own little cloudy bubble, with no interaction with the outside world. There was nothing going on that connected me with old or new faces, so each and every day blended together. This is where my blog was born. As I was already documenting my thoughts and experiences in a diary, it was almost a natural move to the online world as a way of expressing myself so that others can both relate to me and hopefully be inspired by. So since I had basically all spare time free, my attention and focus could be put on blogging.
Since I have gained freedom and confidence, I have never wanted to be so proactive at making the most out of life. It such a liberating feeling to have these things, that I am always looking for ways to get out there and create incredible memories both independently and with those who I love. However, maintaining the level of dedication to my online presence and working on my social life has been really difficult to do. My head is in two places with it and that is making me stress out over whether this is the best thing for me to do anymore.
However, maintaining the level of dedication to my online presence and continuing to rebuild my social life has been really difficult to do. My head is in two places with it and that is making me stress out over whether this is the best thing for me to do anymore.
Though what exactly is there to stress myself over?
Before the internet, we managed to survive as human beings perfectly fine. We were still able to love, care and support others without the constant daily reminders on a feed. In fact, sometimes I do beleive that life was much simpler before the rise of social media (yes coming from someone who runs a blog/social media accounts). There wasn’t the added pressure to get everything just-so to make an ‘insta-worthy’ shot of your meals, post-workout glow or capture your most flattering angles with the help of a thousand filters.
Comparisions are far too easily done now. In a 24/7 365 day a year industry that never rests, no-one can escape the continual strive for perfection. Yes, we all have different ideas of what we deem as perfect, but there is something for everyone to become hooked on comparing themselves to and as a result pull themselves apart. It is one of the main reasons why I have questioned carrying on with social media, as I can get far too drawn into seeing how much better other bloggers/influencers are doing than me. I really do beat myself up over it, to the point where I no longer see any of the positives that I already have in life.
Okay now you are probably thinking, “if you are struggling so much and beleive all of that, then you should stop, no question”. However, there is so much more to what I am trying to acheive than just growing a following on social media.
The reason I changed the way I documented my recovery was because I wanted to let others know that whatever they are going through, they are never alone and that they too can embark on a journey of self-discovery to lead a happier and more for-filling life. Whilst I was battling against the urges to relapse and give into the negative thoughts inside, I would have done anything for someone to tell me that it is going to be okay, that I can make it past the darkest of times and that I am strong enough and worthy of a better life. So with every ounce of strength I had left, I created this blog, and the story of ‘The Growing Butterfly’ began.
Each time I share my personal accounts of what it is like to go through mental health issues or any personal hardship, I do it with the intension to reach out to anyone who is going through it too and hope that they can see it is possible for them to make it through the worst and learn to love themselves for exactly who they are. Although not every post I create is about self-love or body confidence, there is always that underline message to those who want to hear it (reading captions is where its at).
Having a following doesn’t mean anything to me if it doesn’t help me to make a positive impact on those lives who have chosen to see and read what I have to offer. Of course, I would be lying if I didn’t say I would like to see my numbers be much greater, but if it came a cost of having quantity over quality I would rather pass.
This is probably why I have quite a slow-growth, as I am not afraid to stand my ground and continue to be my authentic self and do exactly what I set out to do. I don’t want to be known for having the most incredible physic, the most aesthetically pleasing meals, or the most adventerous lifestyle you see. I hope to encourage others through my blog/social media channels that we all deserve to chase after whatever our hearts desire without any hesistation. No rules other than the ones we set ourselves. No judgements for the things we may not get entirely right. No comparisions towards others in a negative way, just constantly improving yourself to enchance your own life for the better, however that may be for you.
So with all that taken into account, I hope you will stick around for what is to come in the future. I have no intension of throwing in the towel any time soon, in fact this has only made the dream bigger and better than before.