Taking a leap of faith on your hearts desires, can be a huge risk. Especially if you are anything like me, and want to know that everything is going to be the best it can possibly be. Oh and then some. Planning your life out to the nth degree, it a very stressful and consuming self-fulfilling role, that nobody else but you has the control over. So with that in mind, things have to change.
Somehow, after what appeared to be a serious bout of depression, I have trusted in what I want to do and acted out on instinct. Who knew I had the capability of making such a rapid response to my most daring thoughts?!
Little was I expecting for things to turn around so quickly. There was a response to my actions within just a few days. Within such a short space of time, my future was about to get a whole lot different.
I had applied for university, and got in.
Yes, I am 22 years old, and now making my second attempt at going to university.
Only this time, it is with great intention. One of the main reasons for going is to improve my understanding and knowledge surrounding how the mind works. In order for me to support others and guide them to discovering their own path to happiness, I need to have a diverse range of approaches to do just that. So I am going to study psychology and counselling at Staffordshire University.
Returning back to the situation whereby I am under pressure to achieve the best I can, with deadlines, coursework and endless revision, was the last thing that I thought I would do. Though it turns out, everyone else around me believes that it is possible. That after all these years, I am ready to take it on, and come out on top. Since my own opinion of my abilities can be a little bit skewed, it made sense for once, to trust in others and believe that they are right.
I will not forget a comment said to me by a member of the gym, just a couple of months into self-employment. We were talking about his job and how I am really passionate about helping others to improve their mindset towards themselves, to which he eventually said “you are much more than this…you are capable of incredible things” – referring to my personal training job.
It wasn’t aiming to undermine personal training at all. It was to open my eyes to what I am meant to be doing. See to have someone in the field say something like that, really took me back. My whole mind became enlightened to new possibilities that I could go on to do. The dream still remains to make a difference to others, improving their self-confidence and belief that they are worthy of being happy with who they are. I do truly believe that by studying in more depth, this dream can really come true.
Since that moment, I have been encouraged to go to university, by many different people and study this topic of interest, but the fear of failure has stopped me.
What if I am not good enough?
What will others think of me?
Am I too far behind now to go to university?
Will it even make a difference?
Could I afford to risk going back?
Sure it is a gamble. There is a lot a risk here. After less than a year into running a business, I am now deciding to add educational studies into the equation, which it is going to be a juggle. However, that is not to say it cannot work. There are ways in which this new venture can be incorporated and adapted to suit both sides to my life. It is my life to lead, so it allows me to do as I please (to a degree obviously!).
It has taken a lot for me to make this decision, as I have actually been thinking about it since the day I chose to pursue this dream of mine. But it has taken until this point to really do anything about it. I have always hated being ‘behind’ my peers, as most have already graduated from university and are getting on with their lives. Whereas I am still trailing behind (only just) and still trying to make sense of what has happened.
Life has a funny way of getting you to where you are really meant to be, so you may as well be along for the ride and embrace it. Acceptance of your own circumstances is a massive step towards a positive future outcome of your actions. By coming to terms with the fact you may not be where you thought you would, you are allowing the possibilities for more doors to be opened. It may not be the way you foresaw yourself going through life, but you will one day get there.
I hope that you can agree with me that this is the best decision for myself. That it will teach me more about myself than before, give me the tools needed to see out my dream and become someone’s guiding arm through their own self-discovery.