This is not a declaration of surrendering to pressures that have been ongoing, nor is this a sign of weakness. It is the start of me taking my place and making a difference.
I am sorry to say that university is not working out for me. The reasons for this don’t need to be discussed in depth, because I do not need to justify my choice for those who doubt it. Nobody sees your own life the way you do, so don’t ever let other’s dictate how you lead it. So it is with deep sadness that I will no longer be taking the usual educational route so many take (not that my journey so far has followed the norm). What was promised at the start, was certainly not the case during this past year. As I have mentioned previously, in ‘Mastermind’ it has not been the greatest of experiences, and there isn’t really anything positive to come from it. Too any years have gone by where there is nothing to really show, other than the endless battles with my own mind. Sure there have been highlights, but ultimately, my life has not been as free as I dreamed of.
Five years down the line, I am more comfortable than ever before in my own body and mind. There is still a lot I need do to respect myself, but we are always growing, and you never quite finish learning about yourself. But in order for me to care for my mental health, not just for my illnesses, but for my overall wellbeing, I need to take the huge leap of faith and trust in my heart. Recovery has taught me more about who I am, than any book, article, or any advice given. The experience is indescribable. I now have an unbreakable bond with my soul, understanding what it means to be my true self. So when it comes to difficult decisions such as this, I have to remind myself, to not look to other’s journeys, just to focus purely on my own. Though I wouldn’t say go so far as to say it was the best path, the road I have gone down so far in life, has lead to the best way to discover my real self.
Time waits for no-one, so I don’t intend to spend any longer pushing through something that is not doing to bring any long term benefits. That is not to say it is the right decision for everyone. We all have our own thoughts and beliefs towards these things, but personally I don’t see that my energy is best spent on continuing on this university course, but instead into something that I really hope I can make a huge difference in one day. This quotation is a wonderful message to all of us, to stop comparing our lives to another, as they are always going to be in a different place to you. What may be making them happy right now, may not be what will make them happy in a few months time. Mistakes are things we cannot avoid making, but it is where we go from here that will change your outcome.
It is was never going to be an easy choice to make, but I am going to make sure that all of the hardship is put to good use, and allow the future to be full of happiness and achievements. Hopefully the goals and dreams I have wrote down this evening will happen one by one. Though I am not going to set a deadline for any of them, because all good things will come eventually, it is learning to be patient in the mean time.
Here’s to the start of a new beginning.